is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
