I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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