He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
