she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
