1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
