the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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