woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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