hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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