Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
