me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
