Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
