YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
