but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
