I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
