he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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