mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I want to have your abortion
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
this is an emotional support booty call
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
