my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
