You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
