I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
