If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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