why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
