sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
