i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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