i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
