he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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