Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I am midnight drunk by noon
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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