I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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