franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
