Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
