I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
