while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
