I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
