u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
