Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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