I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i drank out of a bidet.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
