Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
