Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
