Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
