I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
