So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
