Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
