i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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