Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
