I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Fuck me I smell like cheese
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
