Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
