I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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