Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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