So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
