I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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