ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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