my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
