I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
