Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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