hotel room ftw
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
