I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think i got beer on your cat.
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