he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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