i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
